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| == Kay, so, this has become a chore. Something to worry over on top of all my other worries. As a result, I'm gonna stop doing this for now. I might pick up again eventually, but not with the intention of making up for all the "missed" sessions. So yeah, unless someone else wants to do this, the end! :D == |
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''...oh, and while I, swicked, will probably be filling in most of this junk, feel free to add anything y'all want, from content to editor's notes, just so long as they're false and biased in nature. Because '''nothing''' is more important to me than maintaining a complete and utter lack of integrity. '' |
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'''[[PRPG2 2015-01-14|2015-01-21 28º Session]]''' To start, everyone stands about kinda dumbly before stabby gets her act together whipping up the nervous church-goers into a murderous mob, the climax of which features a public lynching! Or, well, fire-freezing mid-air. Which might be more impressive, if less symbolic. In any case, in the following oddly-reserved not-quite-panic, one of the few remaining figures of authority in the city shows up to try and settle things down. Naturally, we clap him in irons. The captain of the guard asks if we have a more detailed plan than "go to the keep and secure the royals". Funny guy, huh? We head over to the keep and meet with the changeling megamind only to argue about whether or not it's a crime to kill people if you're hungry-enough, if it's really treason if you're impersonating someone else when you're doing it, and if you end up murdering in cold blood more defenseless people sooner than you planned due to someone trying to stop you... is it really your fault? You know, those hard-hitting questions that really highlight the loopholes in the legal system. After negotiations break down regarding whether or not, in the right context, wanton slaughter is a "bad thing", the changelings invite us in to go many-on-one with their queen. Either their hive is a lot smaller than we thought, or we're about to be screwed pretty hard. In any case, we kick her ovipositor to the tune of her repeated cries of our inevitable loss and the unholy screamings of the undead-ed prince. '''[[PRPG2 2015-01-28|2015-01-28 29º Session]]''' Cold learns the disadvantages of practice, her witchcraft on Corporal Nobody leaving her with only enough dark power to get the good prince from corpse ash to malformed, broken, screaming, nightmarish wreck. Seeing this, Bitchy's ghost asks if she can get some of that, too, batting her eyes and (unless I am VASTLY misinterpreting the situation which, you know, would be simply AWFUL) offering sex acts (among other things) with her "best friend's" body as payment. ''*coming out of a daze* "Oh my gosh! Scarlet! You're back!" *hugs*'' "Good to see you too, Jenny." ''"It's... it's Fuschia. It's always been... a-anyway, uh... I don't know how to say this, but... have I gained weight?" ''"Oh, yeah, I traded your virginity for my body back. Pretty fair, right? Clarissa shoved a dead colt's dick in you and... actually, I don't think she ever even removed it. Anyway, you have a zombaby, now. Congrats!" '''“Oh, come now, stop that crying. You won’t have to carry it to term. I have a much, much, much, MUCH more painful means of removing your cute little stillborn abomination, and the scars won’t even cover half your body!”''' “See, Jenny? Aren’t I the best of friends? Come on, I'll let you buy me lunch...” Gabby Griffin actually manages to wrestle a cave-in (fort-in?) into submission? And did OP really just nearly die? I don't know what to make of this session. Princess Puddinghead shows up and is semi-immediately harmonized to the brain by Stabby's friendshipping headcannon. OP and Medic share a tender moment while Cold wows the princess with something not created out of dead pony (then clarifies that it still, at the very least, represents a ''dying'' pony). Meanwhile, Gabby and Dragonshy fly to the city and don't kill everyone that attacks them. It's weird how differently things go when OP and Gimpy aren't around. Lifting a cart from some dead nobles (it's not graverobbing if there isn't enough of them to bury) they book it back to announce the changelings' final solution. '''[[PRPG2 2015-02-04|2015-02-04 30º Session]]''' Our heroes heroically hero-off to save the queen... and fail. Not to be dismayed, they fall back on their secondary objectives as Cold and Fuchsia attempt to find Ivy and revive Scarlet while the rest of the team gets Emerald medical attention. These, for the moment, also fail. Not to be FURTHER dismayed, Medic heads off to the BMA to make a report and rally the guards to secure the city. This, for the most part, fails as well. Wyseria orders her guards to begin sweeping the country for any changelings left behind while Cold attempts to convince them to hunt down Ivy instead. While the later fails immediately the former will, no doubt, with time. Finally, Emerald is taken to some doctors for treatment. The session ends shortly after, so I can’t really say they failed at that task... yet. ...nowhere to go but up! '''31-33''' No more nicknames. Wasting little (in-game) time, the party gets to graverobbing outfits, Gabrio coming across a simply chic find of the changeling queen's face. But of course, the avian/feline/salesman/wrestler hybrid then ruins it by spray-painting it silver. I mean, that's just weird. I mean, uh... goshe? Gowch? G... gauche? Gauche. Gabrio the gabby, gauche griffin. Rolls off the tongue... Santa shows up, looking a little bit more traitorous than usual, and gives us jewelry, anti-teleportation darts and five new quest seeds, one being a cool little haunted figurine. Looking it over, Cold declares she has no idea what it does but that it should be kept from people that don't know what it does. Ergo, she pockets it. No, I'm not bitter about this at all. :K While Cold chats up Discolor, Shadow visits some fellow carnivores and Akasha, uh, celebrates. Emerald, though, immediately takes the freshly-gifted happy little pretty things (masterwork jewelry, as you'll recall) and makes them delightfully, explosively deadly (I call 'em "dragon-killers"). It's good to see her getting back to her usual. Cold and Discolor then sleep together dispassionately. They're practically married, already. ...and now we're at the squirrels bit. A quest Bryce has had in play since, like, session 3. We're on 32 "now". Bryce gave us no less than five items of mysterious origin last session (spooky teddy, haunted figurine, illegible book, odd light glass, super potion). That's not even counting any surprises that might lie in the pile of jewelry. He really does want this to go on forever, doesn't he? As we rid the land of the rodent tide Bryce makes a joke about illegal immigrants and I really hope everyone was only PRETENDING not to get it. Snatching up the squirrel summoner and snapping on shackles, our heroes enjoy a holiday ''following'' the mass slaughter of a species (as opposed to ''ending'' with one), during which Cold took to knee and offered Discolor her ring. Goodness, this appears to be a ship of the rocket variety. Owen's favorite, as I recall. Per Bryce, EVERYONE --(goes to bed with)-- ''has dirty, nasty, bed-burning sex'' with Akasha and we head out the next morning, a few weapons and a unicorn-downgrade-to-earth-pony device heavier. ((An explanation, for once: one of my favorite lines from the MPCNotes.docx, describing magic power levels: " MAG -3 - moderate magic-impairment disability for a unicorn, has to live like an Earth Pony day-to-day". While I know what is meant, I just love idea that an Earth Pony's life is really just that of magically-retarded, hornless unicorn. The poor, ''profoundly''-impaired dears...)) '''[[PRPG2 2015-03-04|2015-03-04 34º Session]]''' |
Kay, so, this has become a chore. Something to worry over on top of all my other worries. As a result, I'm gonna stop doing this for now. I might pick up again eventually, but not with the intention of making up for all the "missed" sessions. So yeah, unless someone else wants to do this, the end! :D
PRPG2 Abridged
For all your inaccurate, misinterpreted and outright untruthful logging needs.
I wasn't there, so nothing of importance could possibly have occurred. ~swicked
Some of the ponies went to a tower that was originally semaphore but is now used as an observatory. They went up in it, looked around, then left it, talking to a kid the entire time.
They then went to the inn while the robot flirted with a brewing machine.
Everyone met Akasha, milled about a bit, then a chariot all but fell from the sky on someone who needed to be saved by Emerald.
We all got in the chariot that was actually a carriage that was actually a garbage truck and flew off.
Then the wind attacked us and we fell from the sky but nobody important died.
Then squirrels attacked us for no flipping reason. After Ivy hit them with themselves for a while, they ran away.
Then we all went to bed.
We all woke up, Ivy and Emerald talked about their graverobbing swag while Shadow hung around with a necrobreezyphiliac
Ivy got all involved in trying to pickle a pony and we heard stories
Nobody made breakfast. Instead, we left and got worms
We all got wormed on real good while debating out of character whether or not an unconscious body counts as a player's property.
After the worms got their head exploded or burned to death before exploding or whatever the other one did that probably also ended in an explosion, Ivy went back to graverobbing and got, like, a HUGE pearl.
We walked down a road, met a yellow pony gathering "alms" for a disease we aren't certain she had, and then got to some ruins.
We get to the "inn", which turns out to be some sort of wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Sugar gets her pocket picked and everyone searches for the thief for hours to try and either gut him, rob him or pat him on the back.
Shopping! 
Some with fewer threats of arson than others.
The stabby puts on a show. All in all, pretty much a waste of time.
Four-armed monkey. What the heck.
Goldpin, the most unfashionably blinged-out owner of the mall, shows up and throws swag at everyone.
Sugar ate wood. A lot of wood. Poles and poles of it, straight down her hatch, with no sign of gag reflex. Talk about impressive!
Sprocket showed how protective he is of his master by... well, standing around and watching her hulk smash stuff until multiple someones restrain her and he can cuff her front hooves, entirely incapacitating her, as his mod would repeatedly insist.
Sugar, being a unicorn with TK, uh... disagreed.
Lots of crying later, the PCs decided to stop pretending not to know Sugar in front of the big, well-armed thugs just in time to tell off a single post-peddling shopkeep. Our heroes!
The tarponies attacked, with their ghost flames and doughy-eyed stares. Adorable and delicious, as Sugar would attest given she ate them all as soon as they inexplicably melted.
Turns out they were a distraction so that the handy monkey (who was now on fire) could get his paws on Goldpin's upper-horn prince albert.
After half the party ran, one returned, and an investigation started to figure out what the flip was going on between the love bug, the bug lover, the hot and handy monkey and... something else vaguely sexual about a red unicorn mare. Uhh... crap. Moving on!
We found out approximately nothing after the camels admitted they were idiots and redirected us to a unicorn that simply lied through his teeth about pretty much everything he could think of.
All while Emerald and the geek cuddled up nice and cozy in the little hole for two Emerald dug outside, Emerald's trusty new pet rock keeping watch while they "got to sleep".
Ivy talks to Ivory about the golden upper horn rings summor. It goes over my head summor.
She then fails at tail-lifting. She officially can't even.
Sugar and Sprock are weirdoes. There, I said it. Freaking glow sticks and disco music. People aren’t sure whether to kill them or join them. Luckily, they only decide after the “rave” ends.
Emerald sleeps with the geek. Akasha sleeps with Shadow. Ivy sleeps with a metaphorical rat. Discolor sleeps with a literal one.
Emerald and the geek wake up and start out like a bat outta hell. The rest of the group does, too, but only after Ivy makes like her bedmate and scurries.
The group meets up on the road. Ivy sees a bunch of bones and starts with the sex talks, really getting under Emerald's skin while trying to get under her tail.
Emerald is so enamored by all of Ivy's attentions she agrees to give Ivy’s ring some serious TLC until it all shiny and glistening. You know, for research purposes.
A fort, an obelisk and a bulletin board? It’s officially time to squeal on that guy that gave us all that gold. Yay!
Tonight on PRPG: the eternal quest for booty!
Be what you want 'cause a hero is free! You are a hero! Yar har fiddle dee dee, being a hero is alright with me! Go to the leader and demand your fee, you are a hero!
We join our PCs as they prepare to make like medic's typical sleeping companion and rat out Goldring. Goldpin? Gold something to Golden Mittens. The fort commander is, as one might expect, skeptical about these folks plotting to sell out her golden brosef.
Mechapony does not offer anyone cookies. The stabby is less than enthused, so toymare begins eating furniture.
Ol’ mitty is nonplussed, so Ivy moves right in with explaining everything while dragonshy stands about looking adorable.
Oh my gosh, is she adorable. Ay. Dor. Ah. Bull.
The A-Team goes to religious studies to learn about violent demonic possession on a morbidly obese mechapony and its effects on superstitious stabby by proxy.
The crazy stabby "helps" Ivy take a stallion's spear somewhere other than between her legs.
Ivy is now cripplemare, but holy hell, is she stoic about it. Toymare cries buckets of crocodile tears to make up for it.
Cripplemare learns about the elements and junk while stabby hangs with mittens.
Puzzle box. Completely immune to magic. Except scrying, sort-of.
Emerald talks about getting her dildo possessed by a demon. Or something. I kinda stopped listening.
...and that was it. The wrap up, everyone slept everywhere, and we go.
The medic's rodent alarm clock wakes her up and the rest follow suit. Honestly, her name should just be Ratmare.
Everyone proceeds to do nothing until nearly ready to leave, at which point they notice the stabby has no interest in cavorting around with the unholy, so the stabby adds "dragon rider" to her resume.
Over the river and through the wood to Princess's keep we go...
Attacked by BANDITOS. Also known as muggers-with-a-better-name.
Fired and teamkilled, glassed (and given a rather bloody hickie by miss medic), fired again, I dunno, and escaped.
The medic tries to save the banditos. Emerald shows off the more "scorched earth" side of her policies.
'Cause yeah, she's pretty much a pain in the neck no matter who you are. Bah dum pish.
Medic, being a medic, takes it on the chin. At least, after her jaw drops. Honestly, who could have figured psychopaths were psychopathic?
Stabby collects a bunch of weapons to play with, but Ivy insists that she shares. Unfortunately for her, the stabby complies, and despite the fact that the stabby continues to cause more harm to the team than anyone else so far, no one even begins to suspect she might be a plant for... uh... whoever the villain in this game is.
Cripplemare becomes Crippled Cripplemare: Revengeance and away we go again...
We get to the "Old Fairgrounds" and the first thing we see is a funeral. I think this is Bryce's attempt at a "visual" pun (something like the only fair fit for the old being their funeral, I figure). I refuse to give him the satisfaction.
The royals' outlawing a fair to prevent rioting seems to be encouraging rioting. Bryce is on fire, tonight.
Into the inn, still no cantina music. Cripplemare starts drinking when Mr. Shiny Hero Guy comes in.
The conversation basically just circles the toilet bowl until he leaves, in no small part due to a butt-kissing stabby.
Cripplemare gets upgraded to "Gimpymare".
Gimpymare talks to medic about the morality of coldblooded murder of criminals vs. still-coldblooded-but-legally-justified execution and how they are totally different, ending in the medic whispering sweet nothings into her ear sans more bloody hickies.
Most everyone beds down for the night. Gimpymare sneaks into the stabby's bed while Emerald wets hers from a karmic nightmare. Poor, sweet little murderer...
P.S. Realistically, this session could be abridged as "We arrive in town, see a funeral, talk with locals, Discolor whines about how moral she is and sleep.", but I already did the session-in-a-sentence bit.
We wake to find our heroes in typical fashion. The medic with a cock in her face, Gimpymare curled up around an unconscious and unwilling bedmate, Emerald as alone and unloved as the day she was born, and the stabby and dragon shacked up all nice and cozy together. You know, Hinds might have a point about shipping those two, but don't tell him I said so. I mean, uh... darn it.
Gimpymare appears to be dreaming about sleeping with her mother or something and tries to pull the stabby closer to, in Bryce's words, blindly grope her. Better luck next time?
The stabby chills her behind after all of Gimpymare's attentions in a dangerous, ancient magical artifact. Seemingly deciding it would make a better bonnet than bum cover, she promptly gives herself brain damage, leading to people suddenly caring whether or not she's rhyming. Huh.
In possibly the worst decision of her life, and that's saying something, the stabby gives Gimpymare daterape perfume. The absolutely and completely 100% straight mare who does not think about other mares sexually in the least immediately uses it to attempt to bed the first two npc mares she sees, surprising no one, real or imagined, save Owen.
Everyone boards the GM train for two days solid, trotting on day and night through... farms again. Incredibly detailed farms. Lines upon lines of what crops, what Gimpymare knows of farming practices (which her mod didn't even ask to roll for, agriculture horse or no), and the "rays of vegetation" that "splay outward". We are told our heroes are in awe of their spender. Just... calm down, Bryce. Deep breaths.
We hit New Canterlot and we finally learn what Gimpymare ISN'T attracted to... stone carvings of little girls.
Now at the palace, everyone gets in the line to entertain the prince, except the stabby, who opts to play with herself.
The prince is friendly, amicable and polite... so yeah. Now we know the face of our enemy.
Our heroes get a room (well, hopefully more than one) and bed down for the night.
*looks at the log above* ...looks like I might need to work on this “abridging” thing a bit. Oh well.
We're given a presidential suite and immediately proceed to wreck the place.
Medic passes out on a bed before she can make it out to the roof, the poor dear.
Gimpymare begins filling everything she can find with dirt to grow a quick batch of home-grown, high-quality "herbs". For science.
Following Gimpymare's lead, stabby smokes a bowl. Turns out to be an even worse idea than it sounds.
Bitchy literally screams that everyone "better be quiet" before immediately engaging Gimpymare in conversation about all her likes and dislikes. The flirt.
Gimpymare breaks in and kissuscitates the stabby, who promptly attempts to stab her a third time.
Bitchy don't know how to say stabby. Cheers on what appears, to her, to be Gimpymare taking advantage of an unconscious mare. Yeah, we're goin' with "bitchy", here.
After Gimpymare finally stops responding to bitchy, turning instead to her plants, so bitchy stops gabbing and goes back to her room. Time skip to morning.
Deadmare's Ol' Stiffy's The Carrion Kid's father comes calling with a single stoic indian tear to give the dragon another quest seed.
Stabby sneaks out and no one sees her, inside or outside. A cry of triumph can be heard of CB points well-spent.
Bitchy uses an umbrella indoors and is not struck by lightning. My childhood lied to me 
Everyone (except the stabby) gets told, via very nice letters, to, and I quote, "Fuck off." Some even get a bribe!
The party openly contemplates treason via breaking into the princess's bedroom. Just to see if she is okay, of course, though I suspect Ivy might have vastly different reasons to recommend this course of action. They eventually realize this would require knowing what window, if any, is the princess'. Ah, the best laid/laying plans...
The stabby finally shows up again, all fed and shiny, and SCENE!
I'm bored, so let's change up the style for a round, eh?
Doctor: Good news, gimpy! We can fix your leg. The only catch is you have to watch Ye Olde Porno while you do so.
Gimpymare: I can live with that.
*one minute later*
Gimpymare: Screw this, I saw better pornos at my first birthday party. Stabby! Bitchy! Get in here!
Z&B: Yo.
Gimpymare: Can you do anything about this thing? All these puppets do is grind. Literally. They're smoking like Z in a hospital.
Stabby: ...*puff*
Emerald: OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS, LOOK, I FINALLY FIGURED OUT THE CODE TO THAT ENCRYPTED NOTE WE'VE BEEN SO WORRIED ABOUT FOR WEEKS DAYS ON END!
Everyone else: The what now?
Emerald: Yes, yes, thank you. I feel your love and admiration. No, wait, that's enough. Get off of me.
Bitchy: But I smelt blood...
Emerald: ...ahem. Yes, well... excuse me, then. *rushes to the bathroom*
Timeskip, now entering: Home of Deadmare Dad
Deadmare Dad: Conspiracy! Conspiracy! Intreeeeeeaaaaage!
Wimpyponies: Agreed!
Deadmare Dad: Myyyyyystery. Conundrum? Enigma!
Wimpyponies: Here here!
Deadmare Dad: And so, now that I've explained everything, would you mind risking your life for all those hypothetical riches I'm just now bringing up that may or may not exist?
Everyone: Heck, why not.
Changling: Dun dun DUNNN!!!!
Everyone: FOR THE LOVE OF CRAP, EMERALD, DON'T KILL IT!
Changling: *hypersonic squish*
Emerald: "Ooops."
Everyone: WHAT THE CRAP.
Dragon: Burn the evidence! Burn the room!! BURN IT ALL DOWN!!! BAHAHAHAHAA!
And so our brave heroes fled the scene of the crime.
Ahem.
The brave PCs ran away. Bravely ran away! When the law reared its ugly head they bravely turned their tails and fled! Yes, the brave PCs turned about and gallantly they hoofed it out. Bravest of the braaaaaave, PRPG! 2!
As I think we all know, nothing works up a hunger like arson, so our heroes briefly consider crashing a feast gimpymare knows about, right up until the resident dragonian changeling expert notes that the buggy hivemind will likely aim to kill them in the resultant calorie coma.
While the party ponders this fact, they discover that someone is trying to find them via magics. Being the very polite criminal she is, Emerald (along with half the party) happily sits down in a quiet, isolated alley to allow their assassins to catch up to them. Such a well-mannered murderer!
Finishing up tracing the skryer and interrogating one of medic's boyfriends on his intentions, Emerald proceeds to squash one bug twice and trap the other. "Trap" deriving from the latin root for "allow to get away". The other PCs do stuff too, but... yeah. Emerald squashes the bugs.
Gimpymare: "Hey, would you mind taking us to that creepy abandoned tower out in the middle of the lake?" Scooby Sailor: "Ruh-uh, nope, no ray!" Gimpymare: "Would you do it for an Ivysnack?" *lifts her tail* Scooby Sailor: "Ruhhhh... roh kay!" Scooby Dooby Doo, ruttin' with you, creepy scumbag don't give me crabs!
Stupid tower builders made it resist teleportation, preventing entry without wings. It's like they forgot what the master race is...
Puzzle, journal, adventure!
ITS (In This Session): Owen has about a dozen aneurisms over where people are relative to each other.
Bitchy coughs and sputters about how much she hates water, despite later jumping in twice and turning out to not need to breathe. Honestly surprised I missed that little detail, but you pick up a lot of small, pedantic little inaccuracies when you review stuff. I mean, why else would they call it hinds-sight? *gets thrown from the stage*
Gimpymare gets a water-breathing potion and nearly drowns herself digging through some rubble. Stabby does roughly the same, but gets a shiny. Finally Emerald, henceforth known as OP, rips out the tower's innards. We play with a water portal, and then leave because I don't think we honestly could remember why we were there in the first place. Pretty surprised that doesn't happen more often, actually.
After sneaking up on, spying, and finally approaching a group of young, supple, impressionable youths, gimpymare breaks out the date rape drugs. To use of their parents, I mean.
What a time for the DM to try and push a "rape has consequences" message, huh? We end on our heroes trying to stop a mare from becoming a literal cliffhanger in a metaphorical one.
Royally righteous Raja really rocks at rhyming!
Bitchy seems genuinely confused what children are (other than that they aren't blueberries). OP explains they are barely worth sparing the lives of, while the children themselves mostly just describe each other as "unpalatable to dragons". Eventually, though, everyone unites around a common interest in pyromania.
Dragon's mod has stabby look over a steep ledge and no one suggests offing her. My opinion of my fellow PRPG2 members has risen.
Cripplemare mark 2 gets the down-low on her low-down rapist. As medic evacs her to camp, Gimpymare argues that it's not gay if they come on you first. Err... come on to you first. Yeah.
What follows is a very real and heartfelt discussion on the importance getting consent from adults capable of giving it before having relations with them. Despite apologizing, I'm pretty sure it all goes right over gimpy's head. OP's, probably, too... but morality's the water to her oil. She's above it.
Winston likes saying "dam". How very infantile. Tut tut.
I try to follow what happens next in the chat and the log. So yeah, Misty fell off a concrete wall near a cave, so we explore that, and there's stuff in it. A powerhouse with... tentacles? The flume horror, for which stabby makes a cure for cysts at some point and collects as much as she can of the goop from the walls that's apparently super-duper valuable (sweet, did me a serious solid there, Raja), and there's teleporting and flame throwing and okay I'm just skimming the rest.
Blah blah control room servos lights exciters shut off this toggle that derp de derp. Looks like OP does pretty much everything. Guess it was another puzzle with a master race solution, but hey, aren't they all? Someone threw an element of harmony into a turbine, apparently, and the rock outs gimpymare as the destroyer of worlds.
Chase scene! Ish! Gimpymare is talked down pretty much immediately. Getting back to old habits, gimpy promptly deflects her concerns and insecurities with talk of sex, which actually turns out slightly worse than usual when Bitchy gives her a sucking neck wound. Or is it a neck wound sucking? *shrug*
Not to be outdone, stabby puts a hole in medic's chest.
As thanks for the anti-cyst potion from earlier and in recognition for her becoming a bearer of an element of harmony, one of the future saviors of the world, OP apparently leaves stabby to (hopefully) die if/when vampony wakes up.
Stabby takes the opportunity to shove a few anti-demon potions down bitchy's throat, which produces the exact opposite effect by turning her into a fat twilight vampire.
Schrödinger's pony wakes up. And didn't. She's burned by the sun. And not. She will be missed.
Ripped necks and sternum gouges are far less serious than I thought.
At this point I can say with relative confidence everyone knows more about what medic's deal is than me.
Bryce describes forests, hills, villages, hamlets... no farms. I guess we're all going to starve, now.
Gimpy expresses almost as much interest in delving into a city's plumbing as she does a pony's. We are all a little more disturbed of her. Only a little, though, given the mare in question.
Bryce tries to convince CD that there are people that wouldn't fuck Gimpy if only under penalty of losing their jobs. "So, fellas, when do we get to my... sexecution?"
Dragon mail. OP, the serial murderer, is not only wanted for an arson she didn't commit, but for killing the arsonist that isn't dead! We are all suitably offended by the injustice of it all.
Stabby shows gimpy her massive magical rutabaga. Gimpy is quite impressed and asks for some of its seed to plant in her fertile garden. If not, Gimpy says she'll... go through stabby's poop for it. Hey, you know what this is? Not my fetish!
Stabby gets to turn the unrepentant mass murderer OP into a pretty pink pony. This is just lovely.
All this plant stuff... I don't get it. Bryce isn't a botanist, he's a doctor! Those aren't even similar... or ARE they?
Stabby finds a mushroom that "has a pink stripe on its annulus and a crimson volva." Just... yeah.
The town's shady-guy makes his entrance and rapid exit when he realizes he's not going to be getting any dragon poontah. Go, look it up. I can wait.
A freaking copper points us toward a "reputable inn" (20 bits it's just her brother's or something) and stop.
Fun times at the inn of repute. It turns out to not be as much of a scam as it sounded.
Enter Gabby, the poshest plumed prep-pleb.
Ignorant to intensely intimate implorations and insistent innuendo, Gabby's innocuousity intrigues.
Lace attempts to break up another marriage, this time WITHOUT an ulterior motive. Well, outside of disliking the name the mare's parents gave her. Breaking the norm, medic actually does something about the morally reprehensible behavior she just witnessed. Namely, paperwork.
Stabby shoves her jewel into dragon's box while OP watches and all are highly disturbed by the experience.
Off to the tower we go, then in, then up.
Horological Gremlins. Squish squish squish. Also, while stabby can't point threateningly for crap, she remains the dragon-snuggling world champion.
We save a bunch of pigs, one of whose name is just a play on a word that means pig-like. I mean, talk about hammy...
Lacee gets all schemee with another trenchee. Then steals her clothes after stealing the lifes's work of the pigs. Because Generosity.
Gabby tells a short story about beating up being beat up by midgets.
Right off the bat, medic meets a DM self-insert leather fetishist that immediately gets her out of her clothes before lustfully filling all of her armor's holes. Honestly, Bryce, I thought this was a family game! What is WRONG with you?!
Stabby tells a story about how hot dragons are to equines or something. Explains a lot, really.
Finally, our host arriv.... or nope. Holy crap, this is one heck of a morning constitutional. What, did he fall in? A habit like that might explain all the pigs.
As Winston put it, "STABBY BOARDS AIRSHIP, FORCES WAY INTO HELM, RUINS EVERYTHING"
Medic nearly gets lynched, so Gimpy tries to lynch stabby, too. For equality's sake.
The Tower of Paragon Peel. Serene, elegant, dignified. Sitting on the shore of the lake of New Equestria it serves as a center for trade and the seat of governance for the region. It plays host to a variety of species, people in positions of power and authority, and commands a degree of respect from all who stay there, great and small alike. With none of this even remotely in mind the bitchiest vampire this side of ghastly gorge rams her way through the door and into the throats of everyone she can reach, her utterance of "MOVE OVER, FUCKERS, I'M COMING IN!" echoing throughout the tower and into the annals of history. In a matter of minutes the silver-tongued psychopath perfectly employs the door-in-the-face technique, backing off her initial offer of offing a few guards post-majordomo-maiming in favor of sizable donation in blood and servitude from two inexplicably selfless PCs, namely the self-centered one and the super self-centered one. I'll let you decide which is which.
Cue convenient narcolepsy, the sleeping sickness sensation that's gripping the nation... err... sessions.
Seeking an untainted voice of reason, medic runs off to rouse and rile the resident unstable monster-hating, ally-maiming psychostabby, who nearly stabs her in the typical fashion, all while the future bearers of harmony get busy tearing into the police in defense of a cruel, manipulative monster (and her vampire mistress). After arriving on the scene medic gets to chewing on a few necks of her own, before being promptly "disappeared" in one hit by OP while the stabby blazes up... with the booze going up with her. Barely making it out alive as she suffers from a recently heavily-drained blood supply, the lingering effects of a full dose of batpony venom and heavy smoke inhalation, OP barely manages to levitate a swimming pool's worth of water in order to combat the fire as the rest of the troop organize their own efforts to take on the inferno. End scene as PCs and players alike collectively wishing the last few hours hadn’t just happened... with only a couple exceptions.
After all, I do love a good blaze...
Oh, and people have taken to calling stabby "Stabby Stripes". Retroactively changing all instances of "zebra" to "stabby"... now.
2014-12-17 23º Session and 2014-12-22 24º Session
Spying, scrying, crying, lying, dying.
Gimpy, confident that Stabby set the fire but unwilling to admit personal involvement, opts to come off like she's just racist. Which she's totally not, by the way. No way. Nor into mares, for that matter. After clearing out the cellar's stock of corpses and corpse paraphernalia, the death threats resume, now in the presence of the police, Bryce just tossing the negative (and potentially time-consuming) consequences of darn near everything we do out the window like an antique grandfather clock.
Leaving the scene of more arson, Gimpy proceeds to intentionally piss off the owner of the first place they come to. As revenge, she breaks into said owner's home to steal their jewelry and lie to their child. In response, she sleeps with their guests, breaks into more of their home and raids their liquor, too. Good going, Gimpy! That was as heroic as it was justified! Way to show them what for!
Anyway, in comes Fuchsia in an emotional scene I all but missed. Guessing they were, like... lovers or something. That or sisters. Both? At least half the players in this game would probably prefer both, so we'll go with both.
Stabby wanders off, clearly guilt-stricken and not at all bored, and talks Gimpy into instigating the aforementioned second break-in. Narrowly avoiding drunken rape while Gimpy confuses her for Gimpy's mother (lots of implied incest this session...), she gets back to the others just in time to miss everything. (Not that it's the first time...)
Aforementioned everything happens, announcing the grand celebration of Stabby offing the vamp, right in front of the vamp's grieving best friend. Which was a lot more tasteful than it sounds, I'm sure.
Then in comes the plot, right on the plot's... plot. The master ninjas, having failed at assassination, opt for negotiation. It goes about as well as...
...actually, let's see. No fire. No corpses littering the ground. The authorities aren't on the way...
...I'd say that was one of our best negotiations yet! Sad it failed without any kind of compromise or resolution and with the changelings still intending to kill us.
Anyway, don't use the elements, they'll be our doom and drive ya nutty. Something the majority of the group definitely isn't already.
We still doing this? People are reading it? Sure, whatever.
Medic returns just as Gimpy gets back from sleeping with her stallion mare various local wildlife. The magic is gone, folks.
Holy crap, Gabby Griffin is polite. He literally wishes everyone good morning individually. He probably means it, too. The hell is he doing with these people?!
OP, the resident vengeful demigoddess, bemoans her lack of domain over the natural order. Too bad, I guess she'll have to forgo complete solar control and just have to live with making miniature suns in peoples' eyeballs. How very disappointing...
Gimpy nearly scrounges up a threesome in return for un-stealing the blacksmith's family jewels. Oh well, at least she got some new shoes out of the deal. After breaking an ancient, irreplaceable artifact, of course.
Bryce has some NPCs show up simply to passionately converse about farming in the party's proximity. They nearly come to blows before the situation diffuses. I seriously can't tell if this is a missed quest seed, a lesson for us, or if Bryce was just bored.
"Jan 02 20:49:37 <Shadow> (sorry if I'm putting you on the spot Gabrio—Shadow is very interested in the Great Gabrio)" <-- There you go, Owen. Go crazy.
...more talk about farming and how mind-blowing it is. Definitely bored.
We sneak into the Vatican under the guise of a sexy horse and co. delivery service.
Upon arriving at a warehouse the party breaks apart to do indulge their various idiosyncrasies. Stabby smokes various articles, Gabby dishonors lumber, Dragonshy preps for her next arson, OP arguably makes herself even more deadly and Gimpy gussies her mane up for church with lots and lots and lots of "conditioner".
Ponypope flatters Stabby mercilessly, calling her's the "best triumph yet". What follows was inevitable. Inevitable, I say!
Following the established tradition, the brave and foolhardy hero worthy of a triumph is placed in a basement full of awesome ancient magical artifacts just to see what happens. And they expect me to believe this has only ever blown up in their face once. Pishaw.
So, to recap, Stabby runs into a cellar again and sets off an explosion again, nearly killing everyone again while Lauren wasn't at the session again. Wow.
Excerpt from the New Canterlot News, Obituaries section:
The Astrolabe of Ephemeris, (insert time of departure here). Lost to the winds of chaos. Beloved arcane butler-bodyguard of Akasha, kind to her companion Discolor, appreciated by many in the party, loathed by Ivy League. The Astrolabe was a benevolent staple in the life of its late master Ephemeris and, though it fell to a curse that has brought it much revile, it maintains a semi-apparent good. It gave fruit, plenty and of good quality, for no other reason than to please and maybe pelt Emerald Hues a little. It brushie brushied without any thought of appreciation or reward. It blew up, but did not kill. Drained magic, but did not smite. Most of all it protected its latest mistress, Akasha, not only from hostile attacks, but from getting a little damp, as well. It deserved its chance in the sun. To show the good people of New Equestria that it was not a force of evil, screaming firebomb melons with ominous constellation-based leavings aside. A chance to have its curse broken by those who cared about it... for it was not just some hexed artifact, but a beacon of change. Of hope. Potentially, even of Harmony.
Donations for damages rendered by, and following, its awakening can be made at the Sanctuary of the Triumphant Goddesses, 102 Temple Lane, New Canterlot.
Services to be held at the same location later this day. Visitation potentially never, given it disappeared and all.
"Extra! Extra! Greatest triumph of all time sucks!"
"I'll take eight!"
To start, everyone stands about kinda dumbly before stabby gets her act together whipping up the nervous church-goers into a murderous mob, the climax of which features a public lynching! Or, well, fire-freezing mid-air. Which might be more impressive, if less symbolic. In any case, in the following oddly-reserved not-quite-panic, one of the few remaining figures of authority in the city shows up to try and settle things down. Naturally, we clap him in irons.
The captain of the guard asks if we have a more detailed plan than "go to the keep and secure the royals". Funny guy, huh?
We head over to the keep and meet with the changeling megamind only to argue about whether or not it's a crime to kill people if you're hungry-enough, if it's really treason if you're impersonating someone else when you're doing it, and if you end up murdering in cold blood more defenseless people sooner than you planned due to someone trying to stop you... is it really your fault? You know, those hard-hitting questions that really highlight the loopholes in the legal system.
After negotiations break down regarding whether or not, in the right context, wanton slaughter is a "bad thing", the changelings invite us in to go many-on-one with their queen. Either their hive is a lot smaller than we thought, or we're about to be screwed pretty hard. In any case, we kick her ovipositor to the tune of her repeated cries of our inevitable loss and the unholy screamings of the undead-ed prince.
Cold learns the disadvantages of practice, her witchcraft on Corporal Nobody leaving her with only enough dark power to get the good prince from corpse ash to malformed, broken, screaming, nightmarish wreck. Seeing this, Bitchy's ghost asks if she can get some of that, too, batting her eyes and (unless I am VASTLY misinterpreting the situation which, you know, would be simply AWFUL) offering sex acts (among other things) with her "best friend's" body as payment.
*coming out of a daze* "Oh my gosh! Scarlet! You're back!" *hugs* "Good to see you too, Jenny." "It's... it's Fuschia. It's always been... a-anyway, uh... I don't know how to say this, but... have I gained weight?" "Oh, yeah, I traded your virginity for my body back. Pretty fair, right? Clarissa shoved a dead colt's dick in you and... actually, I don't think she ever even removed it. Anyway, you have a zombaby, now. Congrats!" “Oh, come now, stop that crying. You won’t have to carry it to term. I have a much, much, much, MUCH more painful means of removing your cute little stillborn abomination, and the scars won’t even cover half your body!” “See, Jenny? Aren’t I the best of friends? Come on, I'll let you buy me lunch...”
Gabby Griffin actually manages to wrestle a cave-in (fort-in?) into submission? And did OP really just nearly die? I don't know what to make of this session.
Princess Puddinghead shows up and is semi-immediately harmonized to the brain by Stabby's friendshipping headcannon.
OP and Medic share a tender moment while Cold wows the princess with something not created out of dead pony (then clarifies that it still, at the very least, represents a dying pony).
Meanwhile, Gabby and Dragonshy fly to the city and don't kill everyone that attacks them. It's weird how differently things go when OP and Gimpy aren't around. Lifting a cart from some dead nobles (it's not graverobbing if there isn't enough of them to bury) they book it back to announce the changelings' final solution.
Our heroes heroically hero-off to save the queen... and fail.
Not to be dismayed, they fall back on their secondary objectives as Cold and Fuchsia attempt to find Ivy and revive Scarlet while the rest of the team gets Emerald medical attention. These, for the moment, also fail.
Not to be FURTHER dismayed, Medic heads off to the BMA to make a report and rally the guards to secure the city. This, for the most part, fails as well.
Wyseria orders her guards to begin sweeping the country for any changelings left behind while Cold attempts to convince them to hunt down Ivy instead. While the later fails immediately the former will, no doubt, with time.
Finally, Emerald is taken to some doctors for treatment. The session ends shortly after, so I can’t really say they failed at that task... yet.
...nowhere to go but up!
31-33
No more nicknames.
Wasting little (in-game) time, the party gets to graverobbing outfits, Gabrio coming across a simply chic find of the changeling queen's face. But of course, the avian/feline/salesman/wrestler hybrid then ruins it by spray-painting it silver. I mean, that's just weird. I mean, uh... goshe? Gowch? G... gauche? Gauche. Gabrio the gabby, gauche griffin. Rolls off the tongue...
Santa shows up, looking a little bit more traitorous than usual, and gives us jewelry, anti-teleportation darts and five new quest seeds, one being a cool little haunted figurine. Looking it over, Cold declares she has no idea what it does but that it should be kept from people that don't know what it does. Ergo, she pockets it. No, I'm not bitter about this at all. :K
While Cold chats up Discolor, Shadow visits some fellow carnivores and Akasha, uh, celebrates. Emerald, though, immediately takes the freshly-gifted happy little pretty things (masterwork jewelry, as you'll recall) and makes them delightfully, explosively deadly (I call 'em "dragon-killers"). It's good to see her getting back to her usual.
Cold and Discolor then sleep together dispassionately. They're practically married, already.
...and now we're at the squirrels bit. A quest Bryce has had in play since, like, session 3. We're on 32 "now". Bryce gave us no less than five items of mysterious origin last session (spooky teddy, haunted figurine, illegible book, odd light glass, super potion). That's not even counting any surprises that might lie in the pile of jewelry. He really does want this to go on forever, doesn't he?
As we rid the land of the rodent tide Bryce makes a joke about illegal immigrants and I really hope everyone was only PRETENDING not to get it.
Snatching up the squirrel summoner and snapping on shackles, our heroes enjoy a holiday following the mass slaughter of a species (as opposed to ending with one), during which Cold took to knee and offered Discolor her ring. Goodness, this appears to be a ship of the rocket variety. Owen's favorite, as I recall.
Per Bryce, EVERYONE goes to bed with has dirty, nasty, bed-burning sex with Akasha and we head out the next morning, a few weapons and a unicorn-downgrade-to-earth-pony device heavier.
((An explanation, for once: one of my favorite lines from the MPCNotes.docx, describing magic power levels: " MAG -3 - moderate magic-impairment disability for a unicorn, has to live like an Earth Pony day-to-day". While I know what is meant, I just love idea that an Earth Pony's life is really just that of magically-retarded, hornless unicorn. The poor, profoundly-impaired dears...))