Diary of a Changeling Princess

4

Dear Diary,

• Another day, a little more pay. We got an offer for a guard job today at a museum for porn. They're installing a new security system, you see, and they're desperate to keep their provisionally 'propriated private pics. We talked about it and decided not to take the deal since they expected us to cover damages. Mistral made a pun about them trying to "frame" us. Ha!
• Then we agree to sign on with some company that referred us right back to the museum job, but for less pay and responsibility. So now we're doing it? I feel kinda bad 'cause I pointed out to my followers that these fancy freaky fetish facsimiles were probably gonna be an easy mark. I don't like letting down my minions like that.
• The pictures, in question, were a series of jokes. They consisted of a pun about semen, a joke about a guy being inside a girl both sexually and orally (due to her eating him), a question about alternative uses for pinecones (which I quickly found the answer for online... reminder to look up "two mares one pinecone" again sometime), and some guy's opinion of which kinds of sex are the best. I think the joke behind that last one is that all sex is fun so it's silly to categorize it? I mean, for example, it ranked being a homosexual dominant stallion as being "the best" but being a submissive homosexual stallion as second to worst... but sex is, like, a sort of equalizer? Everyone kinda enjoys it? Plus these kinds of roles are fluid... everyone wants (or should want) to try to be each one. I, particularly, have been each one several times... and I've only been alive for going on two months now. Does that make me an entire hierarchy? I guess that's sorta funny...
• Anyway, then we went and saw the control room. Super cool. The animatronic hit on the purple guy there. Sucks I was stuck in deep thought and all since I really should have made a move on our employer. He was so wrapped up in that picture of the fillyfooler pinecone poet that I bet I could have set him up with a date with a "look-alike", married or no. Maybe next time. Plus, he played serious hardball during negotiations.
• Finally, I went on a date with Marsh to go pick out clothes. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me, too. Didn't know the old girl was even into chicks that are, like, a thousandth her age. I even got a little taste of her love and let me tell you, momma likes.

Sincerely,

• The adorable, alluring, and all-around adored (and also awesome at alliteration) Ocelli

3

Dear Diary,

• Well, we went back to the whorehouse. The camels were none the wiser, apparently they don’t notice when an orgy grows silent. Would that I could have lured one of the camels in for a quick bite before using his screams to draw in the others, but no. Unity blew her load of explosives, wiring up the entire room to kill a single target right outside the door. I mean, like, what?
• After that the camels all fell like flies. I heard a couple of them managed to spit on some of us while we were crushing them or blowing them up. I think, maybe, they didn’t realize we were fighting them. The closest thing we found to a weapon on one of them was a sort of whip that was probably for sexplay.
• I get the feeling these ponies have even more bloodlust than I do; I definitely picked the right group to hang out with.
• Afterwards robograndma took us out to eat while we met with another client. A bunch of zebras are having problems with a loanshark. They were less “hiring” us and more just pointing us in their enemies’ general direction. Which I absolutely have no problem with.
• Then some pegasi harassed Mistral. I think. I wasn’t really paying attention… during the dinner I had my first taste of beef steak. Not bad at all, though I think I’d of preferred it either more raw or more aged. I also ended up having to eat it with pony teeth, which seemed unsuited for the task. Still, I enjoyed the experience and got a bunch of likes from my followers, which, at the end of the day, is all that really matters.

Sincerely,

• Adventurous Ocelli the Benevolent

2

Dear diary,

• It turns out nobody needed to kick down a wall! But I'm getting ahead of myself.
• Some ridiculous other queen propositioned me today. She wants some ponies removed but doesn't want to be involved in the cloak and dagger. Like that makes sense. Well... I guess it could kinda make sense if she wanted us to just attack them publicly? Maybe run a campaign against them? They all had elected positions, after all. Meeting in a dark alley didn't really convey that sense, though.
• Nor did sending a drone to badmouth me, but I dealt with him in the only reasonable way a changeling of my rank should.
• (he's dead, hehe)
• Supreme queen whatever claimed she knew what happened. She doesn't, not exactly, I got the drone before her weak hive mind could do a thing. Then she made a vague threat that we should stay out of her way and/or complete the mission she'd be paying us peanuts for. Really a very, very stupid queen.

• I look forward to eating her, too <3

• Afterward we hit the whorehouse. The camels quickly succumbed to my charms and, without even asking, I had all our prey in the same windowed room with me. Taking it upon myself to have a little fun while everyone else accomplished the "very difficult" (I'm using quotes for sarcasm) job of flying the ponies to the ground, we made out like bandits without the camels realizing a thing. Well... left like bandits. We didn't get to make out at all. I swear, these ponies hug each other every couple hours but it's been DAYS since I got to shove my tongue so far down someone's throat they passed out.

• Anyway, before long we were getting paid and I was already looking toward the next adventure when, suddenly, everyone started talking about going back and ending those camels. Given the way they've spread out their security I'm willing to bet I could empty that house all on my own again, but I get the feeling most everyone wants literally knock the whole place down instead. Whatever, I might be operating on a full tank, but I'm a queen, I should be allowed to gorge myself from time to time

Sincerely,

• Ocelli the Clever and Heroic. And maybe a little gluttonous.

1

Dear diary,

• Today started off with a bang! You know, 'cause "Unity" nearly blew up HQ. It's times like this I really begin to appreciate the diligence of my protodrones… you couldn't even tell the place had been damaged by the time we got back from the whore-lovers church. Interesting job so far, that. 25 grand for a few ponies Marsh insists cost 5. That's a... 5000% markup? Is that right? That old robo-gal must of experienced more in her long, long, long life than I care to imagine.
• That reminds me, it'll be my one-month birthday in two days. Need to find a treat to celebrate the occasion. I'm thinking twins.
• Anyway, on to the job... casing the whorehouse. I'm actually kinda surprised nobody noticed that ugly lot skulking about the place, particularly once Marsh started searching their gutters and sewers... possibly for some long-lost relatives. I, for my part, instead spent my skulk time seducing some young pup with my masculine wills. Sweeter than cider.
• Afterward we discussed our plan. As far as I can tell it amounts to this: I do all the complicated stuff, infiltrating the building, finding the mares, securing the area... then they kick down a wall and get four fifths of the pay.
• ...but, hey, I'm the generous sort. No sense in doing anything duplicitous. Well, writing about doing anything duplicitous, anyway.

Sincerely,

• The wonderful and generous Ocelli