ponecia: Diary of a Changeling Princess

Diary of a Changeling Princess

Dear Diary,

Tonight's the night of the big guarding-a-room-full-of-smut job! After Candy bought back some grub from her parents' (note: not actual grubs), we set out. Upon arriving Unity spent a while rigging up the windows with some kind of electronics that turned out not to matter in the slightest. I swear, that girl overdoes everything. First all those explosives for one room to kill one camel, now this. Oh, and she also set off some fire sprinklers that turned out to be gas sprinklers. I can't tell if she's smart are not.
Oh, but before all that, Unity pushed for us to elect a leader. I know I probably should have suggested this earlier on... but I just don't want to be responsible for these people. That said, I don't want them to pretend to be responsible for me. They eventually agreed to the idea of having leaders elected based on the current job and Mistral ended up the boss for this one. That basically consisted of Unity suggesting stuff and Mistral agreeing. Afterwards, Unity praised her for a job well done. I guess?
I feel like I'm being snarky. I got in a fight with Unity. I pointed out how stupid that whole brothel mission went down, blowing up part of the building at the start to take out ONE guard, thereby notifying the rest of the guards and everyone else in a ten block radius of what was going on. Then we run in and rush the alerted guards while part of the building burns. Why couldn't we have just, I dunno, rushed in WITHOUT the explosion? Maybe from all sides? Sigh... this is a tangent. Unity stated, if we'd done it "my way" all the guards would have just been fed to me. Which is kind of a point, and kind of not. It's obvious she didn't really care what my plan would have been.
ANYway, later I told the museum staff Unity was the one that set off the sprinklers. Which was true, but not nice. I guess it makes sense... they ARE kinda keeping a big secret of mine, I could have kept that tiny secret of hers. I tried to make up for it later, but I don't think she cares.
After we fought some zebra who tried to take out the paintings (only having to tackle and love drain one, who stabbed a second, after which the third and fourth fled) Marsh and I went on a date with Purple and his friend Burning. Burning is fun. We had a nice day of sex and gluttony to top off that night of mostly standing around. 10/10, would lay again. He even has a fetish for being imprisoned. It's... really tempting to steal this one away.
All the more if he really would like it.

Sincerely,

Lovable and Increasingly Considerate Ocelli

Dear Diary,

Another day, a little more pay. We got an offer for a guard job today at a museum for porn. They're installing a new security system, you see, and they're desperate to keep their provisionally 'propriated private pics. We talked about it and decided not to take the deal since they expected us to cover damages. Mistral made a pun about them trying to "frame" us. Ha!
Then we agree to sign on with some company that referred us right back to the museum job, but for less pay and responsibility. So now we're doing it? I feel kinda bad 'cause I pointed out to my followers that these fancy freaky fetish facsimiles were probably gonna be an easy mark. I don't like letting down my minions like that.
The pictures, in question, were a series of jokes. They consisted of a pun about semen, a joke about a guy being inside a girl both sexually and orally (due to her eating him), a question about alternative uses for pinecones (which I quickly found the answer for online... reminder to look up "two mares one pinecone" again sometime), and some guy's opinion of which kinds of sex are the best. I think the joke behind that last one is that all sex is fun so it's silly to categorize it? I mean, for example, it ranked being a homosexual dominant stallion as being "the best" but being a submissive homosexual stallion as second to worst... but sex is, like, a sort of equalizer? Everyone kinda enjoys it? Plus these kinds of roles are fluid... everyone wants (or should want) to try to be each one. I, particularly, have been each one several times... and I've only been alive for going on two months now. Does that make me an entire hierarchy? I guess that's sorta funny...
Anyway, then we went and saw the control room. Super cool. The animatronic hit on the purple guy there. Sucks I was stuck in deep thought and all since I really should have made a move on our employer. He was so wrapped up in that picture of the fillyfooler pinecone poet that I bet I could have set him up with a date with a "look-alike", married or no. Maybe next time. Plus, he played serious hardball during negotiations.
Finally, I went on a date with Marsh to go pick out clothes. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me, too. Didn't know the old girl was even into chicks that are, like, a thousandth her age. I even got a little taste of her love and let me tell you, momma likes.

Sincerely,

The adorable, alluring, and all-around adored (and also awesome at alliteration) Ocelli

Dear Diary,

Well, we went back to the whorehouse. The camels were none the wiser, apparently they don’t notice when an orgy grows silent. Would that I could have lured one of the camels in for a quick bite before using his screams to draw in the others, but no. Unity blew her load of explosives, wiring up the entire room to kill a single target right outside the door. I mean, like, what?
After that the camels all fell like flies. I heard a couple of them managed to spit on some of us while we were crushing them or blowing them up. I think, maybe, they didn’t realize we were fighting them. The closest thing we found to a weapon on one of them was a sort of whip that was probably for sexplay.
I get the feeling these ponies have even more bloodlust than I do; I definitely picked the right group to hang out with.
Afterwards robograndma took us out to eat while we met with another client. A bunch of zebras are having problems with a loanshark. They were less “hiring” us and more just pointing us in their enemies’ general direction. Which I absolutely have no problem with.
Then some pegasi harassed Mistral. I think. I wasn’t really paying attention… during the dinner I had my first taste of beef steak. Not bad at all, though I think I’d of preferred it either more raw or more aged. I also ended up having to eat it with pony teeth, which seemed unsuited for the task. Still, I enjoyed the experience and got a bunch of likes from my followers, which, at the end of the day, is all that really matters.

Sincerely,

Adventurous Ocelli the Benevolent

Dear diary,

It turns out nobody needed to kick down a wall! But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Some ridiculous other queen propositioned me today. She wants some ponies removed but doesn't want to be involved in the cloak and dagger. Like that makes sense. Well... I guess it could kinda make sense if she wanted us to just attack them publicly? Maybe run a campaign against them? They all had elected positions, after all. Meeting in a dark alley didn't really convey that sense, though.
Nor did sending a drone to badmouth me, but I dealt with him in the only reasonable way a changeling of my rank should.
(he's dead, hehe)
Supreme queen whatever claimed she knew what happened. She doesn't, not exactly, I got the drone before her weak hive mind could do a thing. Then she made a vague threat that we should stay out of her way and/or complete the mission she'd be paying us peanuts for. Really a very, very stupid queen.
I look forward to eating her, too <3
Afterward we hit the whorehouse. The camels quickly succumbed to my charms and, without even asking, I had all our prey in the same windowed room with me. Taking it upon myself to have a little fun while everyone else accomplished the "very difficult" (I'm using quotes for sarcasm) job of flying the ponies to the ground, we made out like bandits without the camels realizing a thing. Well... left like bandits. We didn't get to make out at all. I swear, these ponies hug each other every couple hours but it's been DAYS since I got to shove my tongue so far down someone's throat they passed out.
Anyway, before long we were getting paid and I was already looking toward the next adventure when, suddenly, everyone started talking about going back and ending those camels. Given the way they've spread out their security I'm willing to bet I could empty that house all on my own again, but I get the feeling most everyone wants literally knock the whole place down instead. Whatever, I might be operating on a full tank, but I'm a queen, I should be allowed to gorge myself from time to time

Sincerely,

Ocelli the Clever and Heroic. And maybe a little gluttonous.

Dear diary,

Today started off with a bang! You know, 'cause "Unity" nearly blew up HQ. It's times like this I really begin to appreciate the diligence of my protodrones… you couldn't even tell the place had been damaged by the time we got back from the whore-lovers church. Interesting job so far, that. 25 grand for a few ponies Marsh insists cost 5. That's a... 5000% markup? Is that right? That old robo-gal must of experienced more in her long, long, long life than I care to imagine.
That reminds me, it'll be my one-month birthday in two days. Need to find a treat to celebrate the occasion. I'm thinking twins.
Anyway, on to the job... casing the whorehouse. I'm actually kinda surprised nobody noticed that ugly lot skulking about the place, particularly once Marsh started searching their gutters and sewers... possibly for some long-lost relatives. I, for my part, instead spent my skulk time seducing some young pup with my masculine wills. Sweeter than cider.
Afterward we discussed our plan. As far as I can tell it amounts to this: I do all the complicated stuff, infiltrating the building, finding the mares, securing the area... then they kick down a wall and get four fifths of the pay.
...but, hey, I'm the generous sort. No sense in doing anything duplicitous. Well, writing about doing anything duplicitous, anyway.

Sincerely,

The wonderful and generous Ocelli